Priorities
by Wizards of SHIELD
Summary: Tony is overworked, both by SHIELD's endless projects and his anxiety. Insecure about his position on the Avengers and trying to cope with his panic attacks, he frequently locks himself in his lab for days on end with JARVIS as his only companion, going without food and sleep. As he's falling apart, Steve starts to get through to him and might be able to put him back together.
1. Chapter 1

_Warnings: Minor swearing, anxiety disorder/attacks, PTSD, slash_

 _Oh, and we're going to pretend that Civil War doesn't exist :)_

Chapter 1

"JARVIS, you up?"

"For you, sir, always," came the familiar reply.

"Open the Hawkeye arrow updates file," Tony said with gusto that he didn't feel. "I need coffee. Butterfingers, make me coffee." The robot whirred as it executed the command. Tony ran a hand through his hair tiredly as he rolled his chair over to his workbench. The hologram of the arrow design had already been pulled up by JARVIS, and Tony looked at it skeptically. It was too bulky, which was why Loki had been able to catch one in New York.

"Sir, this is not the top item on your projects list. Miss Potts sent you an email yesterday morning outlining the necessary Stark Industries updates needed by-"

"I'm aware of that JARVIS," Tony interrupted as he dragged a few of the glowing parts into the discard pile. "I need to finish these arrows for Clint, and I have to finish my design for Natasha's new spring assisted switch knives. Have you finished the scan for possible bugs in the Stark phone's coding?"

"The scan is 81% complete and should be finished in one hour and fourteen minutes."

"Good, I'll check on that when it's finished. For now…" He enlarged the picture of the arrow. "Turn on playlist 3. Butterfingers, where is my coffee?"

The robot appeared at his elbow with his mug, and he took it gratefully, well aware that it was probably nearing two o'clock in the morning.

"Also, I should remind you that you haven't slept in approximately 51 hours and that your last meal was about-"

"Mute," was all Tony said, silencing the AI as his music began blaring. He refocused on the design, compacting the explosive wiring into a smaller, cylindrical tube that fit inside the arrow. As an afterthought, he made the explosives trigger faster. After building the prototype from the hologram, he ordered JARVIS to start producing an entire quiver of them for Clint. He moved the file to the "done" folder and checked it off his list, starting on a second cup of coffee as he began working on Natasha's knives.

"Sir, Miss Potts is requesting entrance."

Tony's head jerked up as JARVIS spoke. Turning the music down to a low hum, he rubbed at his eyes. "What time is it, JARVIS?"

"It is currently 7:53 AM. The temperature is 75 degrees, and it is partly cloudy with a humidity of-"

"Yeah, yeah, okay. When did Pepper get here?"

"She just arrived and came straight down. Shall I grant entrance?"

"Yeah, just conceal the suits so she doesn't get pissed at me again, will you?"

"Of course, sir."

Tony returned to his work, finishing Natasha's two switchblades, one for each hip. That way, if she lost her guns or ran out of ammunition, she had the small, easily concealed knives for self-defense. He almost forgot about Pepper until he heard a deliberate "ahem" from behind him.

He spun around in the chair, trying to act as if he hadn't been working non-stop all night… and for the past three days. "Pepper!"

"Tony!" she exclaimed sarcastically in response. "I can't stay long, I have to get back to the office." Pepper had moved out of the tower after they had broken up- it had been awkward for her to stay, especially with all the other Avengers living there. It was still kind of weird to talk to her, and she obviously felt the same way, since she jumped right into the purpose of her visit. "I came to collect the latest updates for the Stark phone."

Tony mentally swore, but immediately recovered. "The updates. Right. I'm currently working on the bug fixes, and the scan just finished not too long ago. I should be able to email them your way by tonight," he lied easily. He had completely forgotten he needed those today, and then he had ignored JARVIS when the AI had tried to remind him. Shit. He would have to start those before the SHIELD security revisions. He turned back to his computer and adjusted his projects list.

"Fine, Tony, just make sure you remember to send them to me. Take care of yourself, okay? Steve said you've barely gone upstairs in days, but I have to get going so I can't babysit you."

Tony rolled his eyes at her. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. I just need to finish the phone updates and a few things for SHIELD."

"Okay. I'll be waiting for that email."

He mumbled a farewell before opening the Stark phone files and once again immersing himself in his work.

* * *

 _Tony Stark… not recommended._

 _Stop pretending to be a hero. The only person you fight for is yourself._

 _I shouldn't be alive. Unless it's for a reason._

 _Don't waste it. Don't waste your life._

"Yinsen!" Tony woke with a start, his head jerking up from the workbench. He brought his hands up to rub his face before burying his hands in his hair and tugging. The pain helped to wake him up. He needed a haircut, and without Pepper to do it for him, he would actually have to go to a barber.

As his breathing gradually slowed, he became more aware. "How long did I sleep, Jarvis?" he slurred.

"Four hours, sir."

Tony cursed. Four hours of work time, gone. It wasn't even as if he had gotten a good, restful sleep, either. He'd much rather stay awake than be plagued by the constant nightmares.

"Sir, Captain Rogers is currently traveling down the stairs and will be approaching the door in 15 seconds. Should I grant entrance?"

Tony cursed again. "No. Tell him I'm busy." But when he glanced up, he saw Steve already peeking in through the glass doors. He had to look like shit. "Whatever, let him in. Next time warn me earlier JARVIS."

He stood and went to get another cup of coffee, not acknowledging the super soldier entering the lab until he turned around with a full mug. He tilted his head cockily. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I came to ask you to come upstairs. Pepper is worried about you, and if you think none of us have noticed you basically disappeared for a week, you're mistaken," Steve replied. Tony almost laughed as he walked back over to his workbench. Of course they would notice that their main source of money had vanished.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine down here. I have everything I need."

"Really? When was the last time you ate?"

"This morning."

"Really?" Steve said, seating himself on top of one of the desks and crossing his arms. "JARVIS?"

"JARVIS, don't you dare-"

"Sir's last full meal was four days ago. Since then he has had an apple and about twenty-six cups of coffee." After JARVIS finished speaking, Steve looked pointedly at Tony.

"JARVIS! You're programmed to obey me!"

"Yes sir, but I am also programmed to ensure your well-being."

Steve sighed at Tony's stubbornness, shaking his head. "What about sleep?"

"Sir has gotten a total of about seven hours of sleep in the last six days."

"Mute! From this point on, you are not permitted to speak unless ordered to do so by myself. Understand?" He was met by silence. "Good."

"Tony. Please just come upstairs for a while. I don't know what you've been doing down here, but it's not healthy," Steve begged.

Tony sighed. "Fine, I'll come up for dinner tonight. But you should know that I'm just fine down here. I have a bathroom, a kitchen, a-"

"You clearly have not been utilizing them! Tony, just… we're worried about you, and we miss having you around. Even though you are an ass most of the time."

"Whoa, language!" Tony exclaimed, raising his eyebrows.

"Look, I'm serious, Tony. I'm going now, but I expect you upstairs for dinner."

"Got it, Cap. See you then." Tony watched as Steve left the lab and headed upstairs. As soon as he disappeared, he grabbed his towel and headed for the shower.

* * *

When six o'clock rolled around, Jarvis reminded Tony that he was supposed to be heading upstairs. He groaned inwardly but gathered a few things that he needed to bring up with him and left the lab for the first time in more than a week.

"Man of Iron!" a voice boomed as he reached the living area. Thor practically bounded into the room, followed by a calmer Jane.

"Hey, Thor, I didn't know you'd be here," Tony said, trying to act pleasantly surprised. To be honest, the god's enthusiasm and loud voice were giving him a headache.

"We are here for a visit, as we received news that all the Avengers are still congregated here. It is wonderful to see you again!"

"It's, uh, it's great to see you, too, Thor. Hi, Jane." The woman gave him a smile before taking Thor's arm and leading him over to the couch.

The rest of the Avengers were sitting around the couches, too, and Clint jumped up to meet him. "Whatcha got there?" he asked, seeing the quiver of arrows that was hanging from Tony's left shoulder.

"Ah, yes," Tony said. "I brought new toys, everyone! For you, Clint-" he handed the arrows over to the archer- "These are more explosive arrows that have been compacted into a smaller space and have a faster trigger." He handed Natasha a medium sized box containing the knives- "These are the new switchblades I said I would make you, in case you get disarmed, or run out of ammo, or are fighting an opponent where bullets are ineffective. They're also small and easy to hide and quicker to use in hand-to-hand combat. And for everyone else-" he dropped a box of earpieces on the coffee table- "a new comm system. This one is powered by an Artificial Intelligence similar to but less independent than JARVIS. If one of us gets injured or knocked unconscious, it will inform the rest of the team of the injury and vitals of the person. That way we won't be left guessing what happened if one of us goes down."

Bruce was the first one to speak. "Wow," he said, "is that what you've been working on all this time?"

"Yup," Tony replied. "as well as a few things for SHIELD and Stark Industries. I hope you enjoy your new gadgets, gentlemen and lady."

"Thanks," Steve said, examining one of the earpieces. A murmur of gratitude went around the room, as the superheroes examined their new technology like children in a candy shop. Natasha was the first to stand, walking over to the stove to take the pasta off the burner. She was a surprisingly good cook for an assassin, though Tony always feared poison in his food once SHIELD decided they didn't need them anymore.

The men immediately leaped up from the couch, grabbing their plates and lining up to scoop the spaghetti onto them. Tony rolled his eyes and followed them over to the overly large pot, finally able to acknowledge the hunger gnawing at his stomach.

Once they were back on the couches, JARVIS started listing all the movie options in his DVD library. Tony sighed, having forgotten that it was movie night. Eventually everyone had decided on Narnia, since Steve hadn't seen it (after being frozen in ice for 70 years, he had missed a lot). Once JARVIS dimmed the lights and started the movie Tony pulled out his Stark phone, turned the brightness down all the way, and started working on the updates again.

He had already written up propositions for two new apps and made slight adjustments to a few others, and he had finished interpreting the bug fixes. The exterior design had been finished weeks ago. Did he need anything else? He eventually decided to just send these to Pepper and add any other things if need be. He sent the email quickly, eager to start working on the security revisions for SHIELD. Fury had been on his back about it for days, and he was worried about what the director would do if he didn't finish them soon.

After HYDRA, a lot of the responsibility for security checks and updates fell on him, since Fury knew that there was less chance of Tony's systems being compromised. He also knew that he could ask Tony to do basically anything, and Tony would get it done. He enjoyed exploiting his greatest weakness- he was unwaveringly loyal and would do anything to make sure he stayed on the Avengers team.

Sure enough, a call from Fury caused his phone to vibrate right at that moment. He looked around quickly, and seeing everybody else focused on the movie, stood up and jogged to the kitchen before accepting the call.

"Tony Stark speaking."

"Stark. There are too many loopholes in the current security system. My hackers found another HYDRA bug today."

"Damn. Was it old or new?"

"Old. There's still no intel on whether they have reformed, so we don't think there is any current threat to the tech. But that's not the point- why didn't your system detect the bug?"

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "It could be a variety of different things, I mean it could be a virus, a particularly discreet loophole-"

"Spare me the details, Stark. Just fix it. I'll have someone send you the coding or whatever it is that you need."

With that, he clicked off the line. Tony sighed before grabbing another cup of coffee and heading back down to his lab. He was about to press the button when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing Steve leaning casually against the wall.

"What do you want, Capsicle? I have work to do."

"What happened to the movie?"

"I just got a call from Fury, I need to hurry up on some tech for SHIELD. Why?"

"You said you would stay upstairs the whole time."

"Yeah, and you conveniently forgot to mention that it was movie night."

The elevator doors reopened on the bottom floor, and Steve trailed behind Tony as he headed back over to his computers. "JARVIS, pull up the SHIELD security design and any recent emails." He redirected his attention to the super soldier. "Look, I've just had a ton of work for the past few weeks. There are more and more demands for the SHIELD technology because of the Avengers, not to mention the responsibilities that have been dumped on me after the whole HYDRA thing. And I'm supposed to be running Stark Industries at the same time. This was the way things were for me before you all moved in, and this is how they're going to be now, at least until SHIELD figures itself out."

Steve sighed and turned back around to return upstairs with an expression Tony couldn't decipher. Honestly, he was touched by his concern but didn't appreciate people getting in the way of his work.

* * *

 _AN: I hope you enjoyed :) I haven't figured out an update schedule yet because I'm already writing a Harry Potter multi-chapter fic (which is my main priority right now) and this might take a backseat. Until I figure it out, please follow and review!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nearly another week passed before Tony emerged from his lab again. His nightmares had been getting worse, and he made the decision to return to the main floor after he experienced the recurring one where the whole team died and it was his fault.

He knew he didn't deserve to be a part of the Avengers- he didn't have any mutant powers like Bruce, Wanda, and Steve or practically superhuman fighting skills like Natasha and Clint. He had money and technology, and that was the only reason they tolerated him. Even so, he needed to see his team alive and well, or else the nightmare would be in the back of his mind all day.

When he reached the main floor, he was met by a strange scene. Clint and Natasha were locked in what looked like a pretty intense fistfight, while Steve, Wanda, and Bruce looked on. It seemed that Thor and Jane had left again, and Wanda had returned from… wherever she had been. He realized just how much he had missed in the time he had spent in his lab lately- he hadn't even realized she was gone.

Natasha vaulted several feet into the air and took Clint down in a whirl of limbs, effectively ending the round of whatever competition they were having. Now sitting on top of him, she pressed a quick kiss to his lips. Right before she could pull away, Clint freed a hand to grab the back of her neck and deepen the kiss. Tony saw Wanda roll her eyes while Steve looked away awkwardly, finally catching sight of him standing in the doorway.

"Tony!" He exclaimed, jumping up from his perch on one of the couches.

"Er… Hey," he said stiffly.

 _Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away, and what are you?_

"We're having a hand to hand combat tournament. I think it's down to me and Natasha now, unless you want to join?"

"Ha, no. I doubt my limited boxing experience would be any sort of match for any of you," he said, attempting a light tone.

Bruce looked up from the book he was reading and gestured Tony over. "This isn't really my thing either," he murmured. "But I stayed to watch just to humor them. This last one should be interesting."

Tony sat down on the couch and pulled his legs up, settling down as Natasha and Steve got into fighting stances. The fight was difficult to follow, with arms and legs moving so fast that it was nearly impossible to tell who was on the offensive and who was on the defensive. Both contenders were light on their feet and it seemed as if they were dancing across the floor. He found himself in awe of the moment. Here he was, observing his teammates- one of them being his childhood idol- with their talents and skills obvious as they fought.

He didn't belong there.

He shut his eyes, trying to prevent his thoughts from spiraling out of control, and stood up abruptly, removing himself from the room in an attempt to stop his insecurities from getting the better of him.

He ended up back in his lab, flopping down into a chair and spinning around in it mindlessly. He didn't belong as a member of the Avengers- he hadn't been recommended, and he still didn't deserve to be among this group of heroes when he was nothing but a selfish and irresponsible asshole.

"JARVIS, what is the top item on my to-do list?"

"You currently have nothing with a deadline on your list, however you do have many incomplete projects, including five designs for Stark Industries and eight files under 'the Avengers.'"

When in doubt, Tony Stark worked. When there wasn't enough work for him to do, he drank. So twenty minutes later, he was leaning back in his chair, feet on his desk, and playing with holograms of Cap's shield with a bottle of scotch in hand.

A deep paranoia had been installed in his brain after the hallucination Wanda had caused. The fear of losing his team had always been there, but their missions had been getting more dangerous and their bond had been growing stronger. The hallucination had brought those fears to life, and the image of Steve's dead body and broken shield seemed to be branded behind his eyes. That was why he was tampering with the shield's design and compulsively trying to make sure it couldn't be broken, as if that represented his teammate's death and making it unbreakable would prevent Steve from dying.

 _You could have saved us._

"Tony?" He whirled around in his chair to see Steve lingering in the doorway. "You ran out pretty quick earlier. You okay?"

"I'm fine, Cap," Tony said, trying to get rid of him. He didn't need anyone to see him in his current state. "Who won the competition?"

Steve wandered further into the lab, eyes flickering over the already half-empty bottle of scotch, then the shield hologram. "Me." He didn't elaborate. "What are you doing to my shield?"

"Not a lot, really. There's nothing big to change. Maybe I can figure something out to make it attract to your hand like how Thor can summon Mjolnir."

"Wow. Why?"

Tony glanced up from the hologram. "Why what?"

Steve furrowed his brows. "I mean, why are you always making new stuff for us when you have so much else to do?"

"Uh… Because I want to?" It came out as more of a question than a statement.

"So you would rather be down here playing with your technology than with your friends? You're a part of this team, Tony, whether you like it or not."

A bit annoyed with Steve at this point, Tony spun to face him again. "Look, Cap, I don't know exactly what it's like to have your spot on this team secure, but I'm just a consultant, and I can tell you right now that you have it a lot easier. I actually have to work for my spot."

Steve narrowed his eyes. "Consultant?"

Tony sighed in exasperation and ran a hand through his hair. "Can you just leave me alone? I'm gonna get this done, and I have a shit ton of other stuff to do, too," he lied.

"Fine, but don't blame me when you're drunk as hell with a hangover only hours away."

Did Steve really not know about Tony's role in the Avengers? He took another swig as he stared after the other man's retreating form. If Steve didn't know, that meant that Bruce and Wanda most likely didn't know either. Natasha obviously did, since she was the one who hadn't recommended him in the first place. He assumed that meant that Clint knew also.

He must look like an ass. They probably thought he was just ignoring them because he would rather be working than being with them. He almost laughed at the idea. He would much rather go to the main floor and join in on whatever combat tournaments or games were taking place. He'd love to get to know his teammates better.

He'd like to know if Natasha actually had a soft side for anyone other than Clint. He'd like to meet Wanda for real and become better friends with Bruce and Clint. He'd like to find out more about Steve and decipher the strange tension between them. Maybe he would finally see the man who his father had searched for tirelessly for so many years. He wanted desperately to know more about the person he had idolized throughout his entire childhood.

The bottle was empty before he even finished the design of the shield.

The next thing he was aware of was a pair of strong hands grasping his shoulders and pulling him into a standing position. Somehow he had ended up lying flat on his back on the ground with random holograms floating around above him. A blurry figure was before him, and as he swayed, they reached out to steady him. Steve? Of course it was.

"Seriously, Tony?"

Assuming he was referring to the drunkenness, Tony slurred, "It boosts my creativity." Unfortunately, his speech wasn't exactly coherent, but Steve seemed to understand anyway, shaking his head and sighing.

"Come on, I'm taking you to your floor."

"But this _is_ my floor. I'm working," he whined.

Steve chose to ignore this, dragging the complaining and swaying billionaire to his penthouse rooms (which looked like they had been untouched for months) and depositing him on his bed, where he fell asleep immediately in a heap on top of the covers. Steve chuckled at the sight before pulling the sheets back and covering Tony with them. As he left the room, he looked back only once at his sleeping friend before heading to his rooms for what would probably be another sleepless night filled with nightmares.

* * *

Predictably, Tony was back in his lab the next morning after waking up from a nightmare with a throbbing headache. That damn hangover Steve had mentioned had shown up right on schedule. Despite feeling like shit, he knew that he had just slept more than he had at all in the past week.

Three Advil and two mugs of coffee later, he began restocking his to-do list with new SHIELD assignments and projects he had started during his drunken creative spree the previous night. He had gotten one night of fun before a rude awakening. In the time he had been sleeping, two SHIELD agents had called and left him messages about new things for him to work on, and he knew he still had to start some new things for the Avengers, too. He found it a bit odd that they hadn't had a serious mission in so long but chose to enjoy it rather than question it.

Somewhere under his work facade, he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep this up for long before Steve tried to intervene again. The old man seemed to be making a point to change all of Tony's bad habits. That didn't stop him from turning up his music and bobbing his head to it as he worked, grateful for its ability to tune out his thoughts.

Sometime around noon, JARVIS gave him his daily reminder to eat, for once leaving out his sleep analysis. He also informed him that Natasha and Steve were leaving on a mission that night. Tony almost laughed. They'd gotten stuck with ground work. Then his smile faded and he let out a wistful sigh. He loved his work, but right now he wanted more than anything to be in his suit, doing Steve and Natasha's simple mission if necessary.

Staring at his projects list now, he started to get overwhelmed. He scrolled through, sorting them based on their priority level, and sighed when he realized that there were six projects that he needed done within the next day. He realized his hand was shaking when he pulled it from his mouth, where he had already bitten his nails down to the quick.

"Nope," he gasped when his throat started to close up. He stood and shook his hands out, then clenched them into fists. He dropped to the ground and did ten pushups. "JARVIS, turn the music off," he groaned, rolling over on his back and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes until he saw stars. His breaths were coming in short puffs as if there was something heavy pressing down on his chest. _I'm definitely dying,_ he thought, despite knowing subconsciously that it was simply a panic attack.

Right on cue, JARVIS's voice rang out over the speakers. "Sir, would you like me to-"

"Shut up, JARVIS."

He lost track of how long he stayed on the floor, but when he finally stood up shakily, he didn't return to his desk. Instead, he crossed the room and scanned his hand on a panel on the wall, waiting for his suit to emerge. Soon enough, he was in the air, the thrusters propelling him towards the sky. The people on the streets of New York looked so small from his vantage point, so harmless as they stared up at the flying object above them. He took a lap around the city, hoping to distract himself from the thoughts and panic still swirling around his head. Five minutes later, when he was still overwhelmed, he cut the thrusters and went into a free fall, hoping to clear his mind with the adrenaline rush. He pulled out of it at the last second, mere feet from the roof of a taxi, and sped above the road for a few moments before putting JARVIS on autopilot back to the tower.

As the suit disassembled around him, he sighed, relishing the ability to breathe again.

"What the hell was that?"

Tony whipped around, then rolled his eyes when he saw Steve's familiar brooding face. "What was what?"

"You know what. You nearly gave Banner and I a heart attack, we thought you were going to crash."

"Why were you watching me?" he inquired angrily, stalking back to his desk, where one of his screens was flashing with a message from SHIELD.

"It's pretty hard to not notice a chunk of metal falling from the sky, especially when you know who's in it."

They were interrupted by Tony's obnoxious AC/DC ringtone. He tapped the "accept" button on the screen and spun mindlessly in his swivel chair until the call connected.

"Stark." It was Fury's voice, amplified by the speakers.

"What?"

"That's no way to greet your superior, is it?" When met with silence, he huffed out a laugh. "I don't think I need to remind you of your place, Stark, so I'll get to it." Steve frowned in confusion at these words and observed Tony's wince. "One of my technicians informed me that he traced the bug and it's an issue with _your_ system causing it."

Tony furrowed his brow. "What do you mean? And why didn't _they_ call me?"

"They said they sent you a message twenty minutes ago and you didn't respond, and that it was urgent- it's only a matter of time before something gets leaked."

Tony rubbed his forehead nervously. "Oh. Well… I'll get right on it. Sorry for the delay." Steve stared at him, not comprehending Tony's change in attitude. He looked strangely… defeated.

"Good. And, Stark, do it now. You're slacking. I don't know what you've been doing lately, but it's not up to your usual standard. It's a privilege to have this job, you know that."

"Of course. I'll fix the bug." The call disconnected with a click.

Steve watched Tony as his fingers rapidly scrambled over one of the screens and he said something to JARVIS.

"Why do you let him walk all over you like that?"

The smaller man jumped, as if he'd forgotten that Steve was still there. "What?"

"You let him treat you like dirt. What happened to your… I don't know, arrogance? Pride?"

"I'm glad to be associated with such negative adjectives," he muttered, typing a few lines of code. "JARVIS, pull up the message from the technician on screen 3. Oh, and Steve, can I have your shield? I finished a design and I want to make a few adjustments to it before you leave for your mission tonight." He flicked his hand and a hologram of the shield appeared again, with a few labels detailing Tony's plans for it.

"Tony, what did I tell you about this? You shouldn't feel like you need to be making new stuff for me- for any of us- all the time."

"I know what you said. And I believe I told you that I want to. This is my job, and it's my responsibility to keep all of our equipment up to date. Without that, why am I even here?"

"For God's sake Tony, is that what you think? We all want you here, not that you'd know that with the way that you spend all your time in here, alone with only your little robots to keep you company."

When Tony swung around to face him with his arms crossed, JARVIS still moving things around the screens in the background, Steve could see that he went too far.

"According to my 'little robots,' you have exactly six minutes until a debriefing with Natasha, Maria, and Fury on the thirteenth floor." Tony's voice was quiet. "JARVIS, have Butterfingers retrieve our glorious captain's shield and bring it down to me."

"Tony-"

"You'll have time to get there on time if you take the elevator."

* * *

 _AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please follow and review!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Natasha had arrived at the debriefing before Steve, which was a first. She'd been searching for Clint all morning before giving up in favor of arriving to the meeting on time. He often took up vantage points in hard-to-reach places, and on some days preferred solitude so wholly that he would hide for hours. She had eventually realized that it was best to leave him alone sometimes, when his past was so haunting that he became overwhelmed. But their relationship had helped the both of them, since she too had done terrible things to survive in a world not built to accommodate her- and had terrible things done to her. They all had.

Fury strode in a few moments later, brandishing a few files, with Maria trailing behind. It was a couple of minutes before Steve jogged in from the hall, his expression clouding when he caught sight of Fury sitting at the head of the table.

Natasha regarded him thoughtfully, wondering if she'd missed something. That didn't happen often. She had a strong intuition and even stronger observation. But there it was- a thinly disguised anger whenever Steve looked at their supervisor. She could see Maria's unease as well- she could undoubtedly sense the tension- but Fury seemed oblivious.

Maybe she was overreacting. No, she definitely was. She refocused on Fury, who was explaining the situation.

"It'll undoubtedly be a hostage negotiation, but let Agent Hill do the talking. All you have to do is take out the guards and wait for orders."

"Maybe you should let Stark hack the systems," Maria mused. "He could listen in on their communications, see where the hostages are being kept, and remove them."

Fury considered this, flipping through the file quickly. "Maybe. But he'd need time-"

"You can't be serious."

Natasha turned to the other end of the table, where Steve had leaned forward, his hands folded tightly together in front of him.

"You're just going to stack another thing on top of the sky-high project list that you already have him slaving over?"

Fury shook his head. "Rogers, I don't know what you're talking about."

Steve laughed. "Oh, please. Don't give me that bullshit. I was in his lab, not even twenty minutes ago, when you called him. I heard it. You're taking advantage of him, overworking him-"

"I take it back. _You_ don't know what you're talking about. Look, I'm the supervisor of a large government agency, and I take a lot of shit on a daily basis. Tony is aware of his position in SHIELD and on the Avengers team- a consultant. He does the work I give him, and he does it out of his own free will. He can quit if he doesn't want to do what's asked of him-"

"But we both know that's not really an option for him." Steve paused. "He didn't put me up to this, he doesn't even complain. But the kind of pressure you're putting on him isn't okay. You know how he is. He's self destructive, and he'll be in the hospital soon if you keep overworking him like this."

Natasha sat back, watching the exchange blankly, hiding the frustration building up inside of her.

"The pressure that I put on him is what gets the work done." He pulled his phone out of the pocket and glanced at it. "At 1:07, exactly fourteen minutes after I placed that call, the security system was updated. The thing about Stark is, when you give him a negative incentive to do something, he gets it done, and he gets it done well."

"At what cost?" The words hung in the air.

Fury turned back to his papers. "I need to talk with the board before we can put Stark on this mission, and it's doubtful that they'll put him in such a high-stakes situation anyway. You two won't be leaving today, so wait for further notice." As he stood to walk out, he tossed Tony's file in front of Steve. "Take a look at why we're keeping him busy with tech instead of letting him in the field."

Natasha stayed frozen in a neutral expression until she and Steve were alone. "Steve… I don't think Tony would want you to read that."

Steve ignored her, flipping the file open to the first page with Tony's name and picture. Natasha stood and darted behind him, pulling the file from his grasp.

"Nat, what the hell? Aren't you on my side?"

"I'm on nobody's _side._ I agree with you, it's just… you should know a few things before you look at it."

"Like?"

Natasha pushed away the guilt that was starting to emerge and cleared her throat. "Tony has a shit past, okay? There's a reason that he's the way he is, and it isn't pretty." She stopped.

"Seriously, if you're not going to tell me, I'm going to take that from you."

Natasha smirked. "You can try." Then she shook her head. "But that's not the point. The point is, I care about him too, and Fury… he doesn't. He didn't give this to you so you could understand his point of view," she shook the file, "he gave it to you so you'd give up on Tony."

"Give up on him?"

"Tony has PTSD and an anxiety disorder. That's my deduction, at least, since he's never actually been diagnosed. He's done a lot of reckless and self-destructive things over the years, too, and SHIELD likes to use that as an excuse to take advantage of him instead of letting him on the field."

Steve looked confused. "PTSD?"

"I think it used to be called shell-shock? Soldiers during the war must have gotten it."

"Oh." He looked a bit sick. "What happened to him?"

Natasha sat down again and picked at a nail. "Stark Industries used to be a weapons company. A few years ago, Tony went to Afghanistan to demonstrate one of his missile designs. The soldiers who were escorting him were gunned down and he was captured by a terrorist organization. They tried to force him to make the missile for them, and they tortured him for days-" she heard Steve suck in a breath "-until he agreed. Instead he made the first Iron Man suit and escaped." She finally slid the file across the table to him, flipped to the page about Afghanistan.

Steve turned his horrified gaze to the papers in front of him, examining the crude design of the suit and the photos of the cave where he was kept. "Who's this?" he asked, holding a picture of a man.

Natasha sighed. "Yinsen. He was being held hostage as well. Tony had shrapnel in his arteries after an explosion detonated too close to him, and Yinsen performed the surgery that saved his life with no anesthesia or medical equipment. Before Tony made the arc reactor, Yinsen had put a magnet attached to a car battery in his chest to keep the shrapnel out. Then he helped to make the suit, but died in the escape."

Steve put his head in his hands. "I can't believe I didn't know about this."

"Not many people do. This is the more detailed version of his file- the normal one is just the information on the surface. That's the only one that you would've had access to."

"Wait- why did you have access to it?"

"Well… there's more to the story."

Shaking his head, Steve stood, beginning to pace. "Oh, please. Go on."

Natasha swallowed and turned in her seat to face him. "About six months after Afghanistan, Fury put me undercover and I became Tony's assistant. In the span of a few weeks, he did a lot of dumbass things. His behavior was beyond erratic. He had palladium poisoning- the arc reactor that was keeping him alive was slowly killing him. But the thing was, he seemed more concerned with his company and his legacy than he was with actually surviving. When he found out he could live… well, you could say that I would've expected him to look happier.

"What I'm trying to say, Steve, is that he doesn't give a fuck about himself. He only cared about the company and Rhodey and Pepper. But I didn't realize that then, and I should have." She turned away.

"What do you mean?"

"When I broke my cover and got reassigned, I was responsible for writing a report… in which I didn't recommend him for the Avengers initiative. I called him self-destructive and compulsive, which he is, and that's why he's not technically on the team. He's just a consultant, and Fury treats him like one." She flipped to another page in the file and handed it to him.

He stared at the report and the description of all of the things that Tony had done while Natasha was watching him. "Look, Nat, it's not your fault that Fury's an asshole." When she didn't look up, he sighed. "What do we do now?"

"I'm not done."

"Jesus. There's more?"

She nodded. "After New York, Tony's PTSD got worse again and he started having panic attacks. Whether it was caused by New York or the repeated terrorist attacks that started happening, I'm not sure, but he built several dozen suits out of paranoia. Then he made Ultron, presumably because of paranoia as well, and he blamed himself when his good-intentioned robot went rogue and killed hundreds of people.

"After that, he started overworking himself with Stark Industries even more than he already was, and Fury started giving him a ton of SHIELD projects to keep him busy. Then we all moved in, and he felt obligated to keep all of our tech up to date in addition to everything else he was expected to do. He knows he's in over his head but doesn't know how to stop."

Steve had resumed his pacing again, but stopped when he realized she'd finished, returning to his seat. "How do you even know all of this?"

Natasha laughed. "One of JARVIS's only flaws is that he's programmed to ensure Tony's well-being. He knows that I have good intentions, and he'll disclose a good amount of information for the sake of his health. For example," she paused, "Hey, JARVIS, how many cups of coffee has Tony had today?"

"Mr. Stark has consumed a liter of coffee today, split into three mugs."

She jerked her chin in acknowledgement. "Oh, and my boyfriend spends a lot of his time hiding out in air ducts. Between that and the SHIELD files, I have a pretty good understanding of the situation."

Steve rubbed his temples, struggling to process the new information that had been dumped on him. "I don't know what to do."

Natasha leaned forward and touched his arm. "Steve… I've been a spy and an assassin my entire life. You could say that I see things that other people don't. And I see how you look at Tony." Steve jerked away in surprise.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not 1940 anymore. Things are different now-"

"Keep your voice down-" he hissed.

"Do you seriously think anyone in this tower is going to judge you for being gay?"

"Nat, can you just let me explain?" She sat back with a huff. "I'm not gay."

"I don't often make mistakes like this-"

"It doesn't matter how I feel- Tony's the only thing that matters. And I'm not going to sit around and watch him slowly kill himself."

She stared at him for a moment before deciding to cut her losses and drop it.

"Whatever, Steve. Talk to him, I guess. I don't know what else to tell you."

 _AN: Sorry this chapter is so short, I just got out of the hospital and I want to get this up soon because I don't know when I'll be able to update next. If anyone has suggestions for the story please let me know as I'm having some difficulty staying inspired. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter despite the length; please follow, favorite, and review! All feedback is appreciated, your criticism and praise keep me motivated to write._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Steve grumbled to himself as he stepped into the elevator. Natasha always thought she knew everything.

He hadn't forgotten about his argument with Tony earlier, but decided to proceed down to his lab anyway, planning to drag him out for lunch whether he wanted it or not.

When he reached his level, he took a deep breath and strode towards Tony's muttering voice. When he reached the other man, he realized that he was asleep over his workbench. Steve crept towards him and as his face came into view he realized that something was definitely wrong. Tony's forehead was drenched in sweat and he was gripping a screwdriver tightly in his hand, eyelids twitching.

"Yinsen…. stop…. stick to the… plan…."

Steve's eyes widened as he remembered the man from the file.

"Jarvis?" he whispered, hoping that the AI would know how to help.

"It could be dangerous to wake Mr. Stark at this time," Jarvis said through the speakers.

"What can I do, then?"

"If you do intend to wake him, I would recommend using his forearms rather than shaking his upper arms, as it may seem similar to the actions taken against him in Afghanistan. I'll disable his suits so that he doesn't accidentally summon them."

"Okay," Steve muttered, taking Tony's wrist in his hand and squeezing it. "Tony? Can you hear me? It's Steve." Tony stirred a bit, trying weakly to pull his arm away. "Tony, you're here at the Avengers Tower."

Tony's eyes opened slowly as he took in his surroundings. They met Steve's and his face relaxed in recognition. Sitting up, he rubbed his face. "Sorry," he mumbled. He seemed to have already forgotten about their previous fight.

Steve sat next to him. "Nothing to be sorry about," he said. He realized that he was still holding Tony's wrist and pulled away quickly. "You okay?"

"Fine." The man turned to his screens again and immediately began flicking through emails again.

"Tony, this is what I'm talking about. You're clearly not fine, and you're not taking care of yourself."

"Steve-" Tony began wearily.

"I don't want to argue again. Just… come up for lunch, okay? Natasha's making sandwiches. The team wants to see you."

Tony gestured to his screens. "So much to do, so little time," he sighed, but stood. "Fine."

Steve resisted the urge to pump his fist as Tony led the way to the elevator. As he pressed the button to take them up, however, the elevator groaned and didn't move.

"Great," Tony muttered, pressing the button a few more times. "Another thing I have to fix."

"We'll have someone from SHIELD come fix it. I'll put in the request myself."

"But I can fix it…" He trailed off, pulling out his screwdriver and beginning to unscrew the panel.

"Nope," Steve said. "We're taking the stairs."

Tony sighed but followed him. They jogged the three flights of stairs to get to the main floor, but on the last flight Steve heard a thump behind him. Tony hit the ground hard, sliding down a few steps before Steve got to him, picking him up effortlessly. He could hear the rest of the team in the kitchen, but he was more focused on the unconscious genius in his arms. He set him down at the top of the stairs, fanning his face with a hand to try and awaken him.

After a few moments, Tony opened his eyes and sat up quickly. "Did I just pass out?" he slurred.

"Yes," Steve replied frantically. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Uhhhh…. I had an apple yesterday."

Sighing, Steve hoisted him up. Tony took a step before swaying and grabbing Steve's arms to steady himself. "You're eating dinner tonight, too." Tony waved him off with one hand, still clinging to him with the other. When they reached the kitchen, Natasha eyed the pair. Steve frowned at her, seeing the gears turning in her head, but helped Tony into a seat before moving over to her. "Not a word," he whispered urgently.

"So I _was_ right?" she whispered back, smirking. Steve shook his head and gave her a look. "Tony, what kind of sandwich do you want?" she asked, not missing a beat.

"Whatever you're already making is fine." He pulled out his phone.

"Ham and cheese it is, then."

"Ew, no. Ham tastes like feet. Not that I'd know," he added. Steve laughed, finally seeing some of Tony's personality shining through. "Just make me peanut butter or something."

"Tony, you'd better not be working on that phone," Clint called from behind the counter. When Tony ignored him, he snuck up behind him and snagged it from his hand.

"Hey!" Tony said, but slouched back in his chair rather than putting up a fight. Bruce swung around the doorway, seeming surprised to see Tony sitting there. He looked at Steve, knowing that it was likely the soldier who had dragged him from his lab.

"Fancy seeing you here, Tony. It's like you don't even live here anymore."

Steve leaned back against the counter. That was more true than Banner even knew.

* * *

An hour later, most of the team was parked in the living room. Natasha was curled up against Clint, Tony had fallen asleep in the reclining chair, Banner was reading, and Steve was drawing. He traced his pencil over Tony's jaw line as he sketched the sleeping man's face.

The scene was peaceful, all of them happy to see Tony relaxed and away from his work. The silence was broken by Tony's phone buzzing on the seat next to him. Steve stood, grabbing the phone so that it wouldn't wake Tony and flipping it open. It was Fury. He strode to the kitchen, pressing the accept button on the screen. Before he could even answer, Fury was speaking. "Stark, you've been off the grid for two hours now. You have a dozen emails from agents needing help navigating your new security system. It's the middle of a workday, what the hell are you doing?"

"This is Captain Rogers, _sir."_ he nearly spat out the last word. "Tony is sleeping, something you've been depriving him of for months."

"Look, Rogers, I know you think I'm trying to hurt him, but I'm not. I'm trying to keep him busy so that he doesn't hurt himself."

"He's already hurting himself," Steve hissed. "You need to pull some projects off his list."

"Fine. I'll stop sending him tech updates. But he still has other responsibilities. If he's not up and working in an hour, I'm sending an agent to get his ass in gear. Got it?"

"Whatever. It seems like SHIELD is a little too dependent on Tony for its own good." He hung up, letting his words hang in the air. He could hear the faint conversation in the room next to him.

"What do I do?" Clint asked.

"Wake him up, I guess," Bruce replied.

Steve jogged to the other room where he saw Clint standing over Tony and shaking him. He must be having a nightmare.

"Don't shake his shoulder-" he began, but it was too late. Tony took a few gasping breaths as his eyes burst open before right-hooking Clint in the face. Clint stumbled back, and Steve ran towards them, grabbing Tony's fist that was preparing for a fight.

"Tony! It's Steve. Calm down." Tony struggled for a moment before he realized where he was.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Clint said as Natasha rushed over to check the damage. "It was my fault."

Tony still looked shaken. Steve pulled the hand that was still in his grip. "Come on. Let's go to your rooms."

"No, I'm going to my lab. How long was I asleep?"

"Less than an hour."

The team's mission screen blinked on, interrupting the commotion. Fury's face appeared on the TV, and Steve scowled.

"Don't look so happy to see me, Rogers. Stark's been approved by the council for this mission, so you're leaving tonight. Best to do this by dark." The screen went dark again and the team leapt into action.

Natasha headed for the elevator. "It's broken," Tony called. She changed course and headed to the stairs.

Steve was heading in the same direction when Tony cleared his throat behind him.

"Cap, I wasn't at the debrief, soooo…."

"Oh. Uh, it's a hostage situation. Your job is just to hack the systems and disable their communications so that Maria can negotiate."

"Got it."

* * *

The team exited the plane at nightfall, suited up and prepared. Tony had a vague understanding of what he needed to do. His responsibility was to find their control center, _ the people there while Steve and Natasha dealt with the guards, and somehow compromise their tech so that they would be unable to talk to each other about the hostages. If Maria failed to get the hostages out, he, Steve, and Natasha would extract them as cautiously as possible. It sounded easy enough, especially dealing with people equipped with only rifles and handguns.

Tony shuddered as he entered the cave that held their headquarters. Repressing memories of Afghanistan, he followed closely behind Steve and Natasha, who took out anyone in their path with admirable swiftness. A tunnel broke off in the other direction, and Tony waved them off as he entered it alone. Sure enough, after incapacitating three guards, the control center was in sight. He trained two targets on the back of the heads of the men sitting before the screens, shooting them with impressive accuracy.

"I'm in," he muttered into his comm.

"Get rid of their communications and get eyes on the hostages," Maria commanded. "The guards are down, so we're waiting on you."

Tony easily hacked the computer system, turning off their comms with a few keystrokes. "Communications down. I am _good_." Glancing at the screens, he saw two cameras trained on the four agent hostages. "I have eyes."

"Negotiations have failed. Stark, I want you with Rogers and Romanov to extract the hostages."

"We'll come to you, Tony," Steve's voice said. "Then we'll proceed."

Tony focused on the cameras. "Guards are rotating. This would be a good time to catch them off guard. Pun intended."

Rather than hearing a response in his comm, he heard Steve shout behind him. "Tony, watch out!" His head whipped around to see Steve kick the legs out from under an attacker whose gun was aimed at Tony. He geared up his blaster to knock the guy out, but before he had the chance, he was firing two shots as he fell. One hit the wall. One hit Steve in the stomach.

AN: Please follow, favorite, and review :)


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